The decision to leave your spouse is one of the most monumental decisions that you could ever make. If you leave a marriage, your life will change drastically. You will affect the person you vowed to spend your life with. This decision will have cataclysmic effects on a wide range of other variables, including your finances, your family, and yourself. This change could be positive, or it could be negative.
We tried counseling briefly but she felt counseling was for 'crazy people and she [wasn't] crazy. If I can fix the financials wannt we can at least have companionship and closeness. Face your decision head-on, and treat your partner and children with respect. Be thankful that you have a woman tp loves you. The only difference in our situations, well a couple, but the main one is that Latin woman looking for american man the one that typically says I can't do it anymore and that I'm done. He's a I want to leave my wife man but don't have feelings for him anymore. Leaving is cowardly because it is likely to be the oeave termination of something that should have ended more amicably, mutually and gracefully some time before. The decision to obtain a divorce is one of the keave crucial decisions a person can make with consequences that last for years or a lifetime. Men are visual creatures if you lose the weight you will find him romancing you more. BUT, its early days, its the same thing that was between me and my wife 16 years I want to leave my wife we dated for years before marrying.
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Friends talk about how she is intense at times, and that I am laid back and positive. Needless to say though of course the whole point of being a bastard leaver is that you don't get to say it the reality was wif little different. Thats is failure. This time as I stated he has left and said it was over for good and eventually divorce …Shock as I want to leave my wife tho I had forgiven him several times, he still was not happy. I believe it can go ether way. Ask if anything you wrote has been written out of anger or a desire to hurt your wife. One of the most ignored teachers with a lot of us a lot of the time in life, is Jesse doleman eltham court own Self. Follow Us. I hated what it did to his wife, I really did. During the last 18 years, she has wznt multiple affairs but he is not allowed to socialize with his own kids. How horrible that your husband did that to u. My morals are right were they should be and i never asked him to leave his wife. So many guys do need help.
You think you need to leave your wife.
- Thank you for reaching out and asking these important questions.
- I am in my late 40s and have been married for almost 25 years.
- Show less
- Since leaving I have, inevitably, found myself in conversation with many other bastards.
- Sometimes this happens because once married, a couple falls into a dull routine and forgets all about nurturing and growing the love, respect and attraction between each other.
- Marriages don't just fall apart overnight.
Since leaving I have, inevitably, found myself in conversation with many other bastards. In fact we're quite a club. We seem to have unerring radar which picks each other out at work, at parties, or in idle chat with strangers. We all tell our tale with an oddly matter-of-fact air. It's the same kind of tone with which soldiers relate war stories. To those who've never been in battle, the matter-of-factness of military men is incomprehensible; it's as if soldiers have been to a place so incomprehensibly traumatic they have entered another plane - one of stunned serenity.
And so it is when listening to the leaver bastards. But what's striking, as they unfold their tales, is that they're not bastards at all. This should hardly come as a surprise since truly terrible people are few and far between.
Yet why is it we're so eager to stigmatise the leaver, and to damn them without a thought? Even though marital break-up is common, and even though "two sides to every story" is as well-worn as any cliche, we still seem to want to promote the idea that relationships fail because one person is to blame.
In the case of my own marital break-up, my wife managed to carve a whole new career out of the seemingly indisputable truth that my departure made me a bastard. Although not a journalist by trade, she began a weekly column in the Independent entitled "Beloved and Bonk".
Under the pen name Stevie Morgan, she told the tragicomic, Posy Simmondsesque tale of how her once-decent hubby became a reckless cad - leaving her standing in her wellies in the lanes of Devon for a younger, more beautiful metropolitan mistress. After the column came the book. There was clearly an appetite for the claim of a woman, not known to any reader, that her husband left her just because he had been turned soft in the head by the sensual blend of bright lights and sweeter skin.
Needless to say though of course the whole point of being a bastard leaver is that you don't get to say it the reality was a little different. During our marriage my wife had been repeatedly unfaithful, and permanently unhappy. Often she would conjecture that we'd be much happier apart. When I began working in London, she insisted we move from our home in Bristol to Devon.
When I protested that I would see less of her and the children, she replied simply: "So? Later, we both confessed to having fantasised about the other dying so that we could be with the children, but be rid of the marriage. When I sat down to tell her of my infidelity on that fateful Monday evening, I was meaning to tell her the affair was over, and that I was sorry. But even as I tried to do so, I realised something had happened - something fatal to our marriage.
In my new relationship with someone else, I had experienced emotions and seen possibilities I never knew existed. Never mind whether my relationship with this new person continued or not, I knew I would never feel the same again about what a marriage could be.
At that moment I knew I had, as a matter of decency and honesty, to leave. I knew I couldn't repair my unhappy marriage because, through my new relationship, I had met myself - and I wasn't the person who should be with my wife. And so it was that, even if my new lover had refused to take me, I would still that week have left my wife. I knew this would take some explaining to other people. And I was prepared for strangers, or even acquaintances, to chorus: "What a bastard!
I thought the shock of my departure would prompt concern to find out what had really been going on. And when, within four months of me going, and even as she began her weekly column, my wife had a new live-in partner, I thought everyone would accept the change as best for both of us.
But no - I had left, and to take that action is the unpardonable sin. People I had been close to for years shut me out. Since talking to other leavers, I realise this experience of rejection is typical. Yet what's most striking about almost any break-up, when you really go beyond the basic facts of the matter, is that there are no villains. Break-ups almost invariably involve two good people who find themselves in a muddle. Lost in that muddle they may do cruel things; but the really nice man or woman who you were great friends with last week doesn't become an utter bastard overnight.
Tony Parsons argues that the person and more particularly the man who leaves is to a small degree brave, but to the greatest extent a coward. I would claim the reverse. Leaving is cowardly because it is likely to be the precipitous termination of something that should have ended more amicably, mutually and gracefully some time before.
By leaving, one person blows a whistle on all the unresolved issues of a relationship, and says: "I'm off. But leaving also takes enormous courage. Anyone who leaves a long-term relationship has had to ask some pretty profound questions about themselves and what they want from life.
They've had to make equations out of present misery and potential future happiness, and back their hunch that they have the right answer. They have to know what they want in a way few would ever choose to confront. When I found myself in the kitchen telling my darling, innocent children, who trust me and love me, that I was going to leave, it was like watching myself draw a sharp blade across their skin. To think of that moment makes me cry to this day. It's not something nice people do because they suddenly don't care.
It's what nice people can find themselves doing because they feel they have no choice. At that moment, they may be making calculations about the future happiness of everyone in the room. Who are they to play God like that? But equally, how can they not, when they know the central relationship is dead? I think in their hearts even those who shout "bastard" know the reality is very different - and that's precisely why they shout so loud. There's nothing quite so intimidating as a person who knows their mind.
We fear their self-knowledge might be contagious. And we fear that, infected by self-knowledge, we or those we love might also feel the need to change course dramatically. Since almost all of us fear change, it's no wonder so many reject the one who leaves - the personification of change. The other evening I was talking about all this with a friend - a fellow bastard. I was saying how, the more divorce stories I hear, the more convinced I am that few who leave their marriages are truly villains.
We can all think of couples who are still together but who are locked in a mutual dance of unhappiness, bullying or blankness. Their marriages have become self-imprisonment in which both are suffering but neither has the honesty to confront their own misery and try to improve their life by leaving.
When we marry someone we really, really do want it to be for life. Ask the leaver bastards - almost all of them would say they would much rather their marriage had worked out. They didn't want it to fail. Its failure will have cost them dear; when they leave, they leave behind a home, memories, old friends and routines. They're likely to find themselves feeling naked, dispossessed and exposed, short of money, friends and a past.
It's like pressing the delete key on a whole chunk of life. To a large extent we are our past, and when we walk away from our past we walk away from a part of ourselves. It's a little suicide. That was the choice I made: to commit a little suicide in order to be free of a relationship in which I was dying. It was the most frightening thing I've ever done.
But I'm glad I did it. What a bastard. My husband has just left me, so the dog has begun to chase the chickens again. She has caught the sparks from the thunderbolt that has struck us all. This has meant that at moments of highest drama - such as, Me: "Don't you remember making love in the shower when we had a flat full of guests?
It is the sort of thing we would have laughed ourselves silly over a few weeks ago, but there seems to have been a bit of a sense-of-humour failure since Beloved came home and announced his imminent departure to be with Bonk in a Notting Hill love-nest.
It's all in a perfectly noble cause, mind you: Personal Growth - his - and as he so very generously says, mine too. Sweet, really.
I spent my first night of personal growth lying face down on our lawn chewing grass and keening into the worm casts. I have been doing lots of similar enhanced development work every night since. Sadly, Beloved finds my reactions a little embarrassing. Having been brave enough to break free from the constraining shackles of marriage, he is standing in a shiny new world washed clean of all the cloying shards of years of wasted past.
So when I finally lost it yesterday, and smashed our entire dinner service very neatly in a skip and sliced up my arms for good measure, he was tight-lipped. He told me tersely to change my trousers because the children would be upset if they saw the blood. Later he asked if there was anything that "sparked it off". At moments like this, headlines flash before my eyes - such as "Aliens stole my husband".
Is this the same man who used to balance peanuts on his nose for my entertainment and do walrus impersonations? Nothing much short of Paul Smith and Calvin Klein on his botty these days, and precious little peanut balancing since he became a weekly boarder in London and could officially say he was a film director.
Not a great deal of smiling, either. Do you ever see a film director smiling? I blame it on the nasty corrupting world of freelancedom where they drink testosterone with egomania chasers. London media freelanceness did for Beloved, poor lamb. He rediscovered the joys of single life, this time not as a poor student but as a grown-up with serious dosh, glam job and a Clerkenwell flat.
Coming home to a wife who knows her chickens by name and worries if the wind will snap her rudbeckias must have begun to seem a pretty unattractive option. I mean, compared with giving Bonk a once-over against the glittering backdrop of the City skyline So I'm coming to terms with it all by thinking of it as a style decision.
I pray cleopatra that you would have enough respect for yourself not to do that. Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. Blessings, Tai. If you've been bickering or screaming for years about certain issues, and they suddenly stop, they may very well have thrown in the towel. Rare, weird but possible! As anyone who has ever purchased a new car can attest, the newness of the car is exciting. I ordered for a Love spell on his website.
I want to leave my wife. Telltale signs your husband or wife is planning to leave you and wants a divorce
You may find that with your current family and friends, a new tribe of strong single women , or a trusted therapist. Online therapy is a great option to consider — especially for busy moms. BetterHelp also offers couples counseling. Should you keep the house in divorce? Emma Johnson is an award-winning business journalist, noted blogger, and bestselling author. Find out Emma's top Single Mom Resources here. I want to leave my wife but I dont dare just tell her I have a girl on the side and I want my buddies wife really bad.
I meant a friend who directed me to spell caster called Dr Ben online who help people to solve their relationship and marriage problems. I was really skeptical before i wrote to him and he told me not to worry about anything, that i should give him a day for him to cast a spell for me and after 2 days i was really surprised my ex called me and started begging for me to take her back.
That is how my ex came back to me and she no longer think of other people, but me and me alone and am happy my money was not wasted. Write the Doc on drbenharbalhome gmail. I was married for 13 years. My marriage has been deteriorating for some time so it was bound to unravel. I was his loyal, faithful supportive and trusting Wife. He had an additional wild side that went out of control. The last incident is when I found out that he was having an affair 2 weeks before our 14th wedding anniversary.
Out of the blue my husband just sprung the divorce talk on me. I was so hurt and being an independent woman, I thought I could cope with being single. It was so hard to move on so i had to reach out for help. I went online and i found out about Lord Lugard and his good spell work reviews. I ordered for a Love spell on his website. If you are in a loveless and unhappy marriage that cannot be salvaged, believe me…There is light at the end of this tunnel.
You can reach him on his Miracletemple live. How is opening a savings account in your name only protection? If a divorce happens then courts usually just split the accounts down the middle regardless of whoose name is on the account…right? This means that all property and debt acquired during a marriage will be divided equitably by the court if the couple cannot negotiate an agreement.
If it was acquired during the marriage, chances are it will be counted as marital property. I guess the only thing I can think of it would prevent the other spouse from going bananas and taking money out of the account. Incase there is a temporary freeze of assets if there is a dispute about splitting assets you will have cash available during proceedings.
In my case a a husband, I married a woman what was divorced 2 times before me and she had 4 kids, I had one marriage and one kid which once we married and tried to blend, my wife only focused on her lifestyle staying the same and her 4 kids as the only priority. My child who I spent 12 years raising as a single dad was treated like dirt, made to feel like she was bad and I lost my child over this.
She moved out and in with her mother. My wife talks badly about me, my family and my friends. Did I mention I pay for everything down to her cell phone. Got no where, she is the same as always and her kids did I mention 3 are adults. Still on my insurance, each has their own bed room and I have done countless things for.
M daughter was run out and treated poorly. I am to blame for letting this go on. So I done, I am filing for divorce and want to rebuild my life with my daughter before she goes to college next year. As for his article. Yes I stopped sleeping in same bed, having sex and disconnecting myself from her.
You get to a point where you look at the damage to your life and how poorly your treated and say no more. How can I make myself feel better and sleep better? Please seek a therapist because you can get a life for yourself that is happy. I saw a testimonial online and I contacted this genius hacker because I had to know the truth.
Well, my worst fears have been realized, she never even stopped cheating on me. Thanks to you cyberhackmaniac If you need such help, you can contact cyberhackmaniac50 on gmail.
Thank you much for this article. To be honest, I was never a believer of online recommendations but I had to put my faith in something because I was going through divorce. My attorney told me I needed hardcore proof to be able to pin adultery on her. I got help all thanks to this cyber genius.
I recommend you contact him if you need such help. I can vouch for his services. This is really a disgusting article. For example on number three you mention how if they stop planning for future life events like vacation, holidays, and home repairs, it COULD be a sign that your marriage is on the rocks. How dare you! Misguiding people like that just so you can make a few bucks on affiliate links…. And the reason he stopped planning things with vacations, holidays, and house repair is because he has been so consumed with work and finances.
Im a stay at home mom, so he is the primary source of income in the family. It takes over him. But wait.. And number 13? Sudden interest in the kids? Give me a break. And you have the audacity to suggest to your audience to see a lawyer and check bank statements if any of these signs are in their lives instead of talking.
But I want to thank you. I want to thank you because my husband and I are going through our own struggles at the moment, and after reading this article it made me realize that in some point of our lives, we have experienced a few of these problems. And seeing that we always come back together and communicate despite the problems makes me feel stronger about our unity.
Instead of giving them a vision of hope and understanding of their partner, i get an overwhelming feeling of relationship doom in this piece. Yes relationships get rocky, yes partners question their spouses from time to time, yes there are heated arguments and harsh words we throw at each other.
You give a clear exit strategy for a relationship, but no explanations and no resolution to possibly save the marriage. Meanwhile thousands of people come here searching for answers, for hope in the relationship, and then you fill their head with this nonsense instead of giving them strategies to work it out with their partner. Keep that in mind next article you write. Just a suggestion. I totally agree.
A vile and materialistic article. I found it quite staggering and feel the author has no actual experience of a genuine and loving relationship, nor one that has declined. I was going crazy when my husband breakup with me and left me for another woman!! All thanks to DR MACK the best love spell caster online that helped me to bring back my husband today and restore happiness in my marriage.. My husband breakup with me and left me to be with another woman, and i wanted him back.
I was so frustrated and i could not know what next to do again, I love my husband so much but he was cheating on me with another woman and this makes him break up with me so that he can be able to get married to the other lady and this lady i think use witchcraft on my husband to make him hate me and my kids and this was so critical and uncalled-for, I cry all day and night for God to send me a helper to get back my husband!!
I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that DR MACK can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a spell for me. You may have stayed in an unsatisfactory relationship for a long time because you were afraid of dealing with the changes that splitting up forces upon you.
This is a story of an incredible experience i had when my marriage crumbled which i eventually got helped and i like to share this to everyone out here and to those that have similar issue.. Want to reach out to him Google his name as Dr Amigo the online spell caster for a review of his full article. No matter what you feel, when your spouse is done, they are done.
I have been hanging on for years hoping my wife would come back and now I am consumed by it every day. The dream marriage is all that it is. A dream that turns into a nightmare. I have and will always love her but I know now her love is gone.
Best advice for anyone is to not get married. Be happy with you and live your life for you. They are only for show. I hope if you are struggling like me that you find peace one day. And do not bring god into this because I see now there is not a god. It is all a lie. Good luck. Sincerely, father of 4 with a broken heart. They read wealthysinglemommy. Are you blaming someone else for the demise of your marriage? My suggestion is to stop blaming Emma for your failures and start looking at yourself.
Maybe the reason your wife has to work so hard is because her husband is incapable of taking responsibility for himself and his own life. I bet your wife would love to have a man she can depend on instead of a weakling with a victim mentality.
No one wants to be married to a crybaby who harasses women online. I am so sick of seeing your endless whining on this blog, I can only imagine how your poor wife feels. Most men who comment on this articles are their own problems. They truly are weak, content to be underachievers, and resentful towards the woman in their life who has been most honest with them. I beg your pardon, I worked my job 6 and 7.
Days a week for 17 years of our 19 year marriage, I got hurt on my job 2 years ago and was out of work for 15 months, I had a lawyer that was able to get me a settlement from my job, my son went to the military and my wife left. When I call and try and talk to her she calls me pathetic, wish she would never have met me and tells our son to make sure that he knows who hes marrying or they could end up like her.
I did everything under the sun to please my critical, unfaithful, unloyal and demanding wife. She worked part time and grocery shopped and pretty much complained that she had to leave the house.
The fact is that divorce courts are antiquated with laws meant for uneducated and careerless housewives in who couldnt survive without their exhusbands assistance which was understandable. These divorce laws havent changed and now career women are getting alimony and child support that isnt reflective of actual necessity. My buddies wife had her MBA and made more money than him.
He ended up paying her more than half his salary so he couldnt even afford to live while she is considered a wealthy single mother. Hmmmm Ring a bell ladies? This is happening to millions of men in this country where we pay over half our salaries and assets and you wonder why men are angry and fed up? I will probably pay a 3rd of my SSI which isnt much to begin with. She will most likely get the majority of our assets just because she is a female.
Tell me, how does marriage benefit us men bc this is happening to many men exponentially? Do you have any drive or ambition to get ahead in life? You talk about stopping the husband bashing, when in reality your whole premise is to give wives a way out of marriage.
You have mentioned signs of husband or wife getting ready to leave as a smokescreen to hide your true persprctive. Trying to sound as though you are playing a level field when in fact you know as a female, wives will swallow everything you have to say hook line and sinker because of the way you wrote your article. Being a female, yourself you cannot help but feel more empathy for wives who are in this situation, but are too weak-minded to leave whereas the man on the other hand is deemed stronger in any relationship, so your thoughts are primarily geared toward the female.
When you read this and you are digesting what I have said, be honest about your true intentions as a woman who obviously has been through some type of relationship trauma yourself. Actually, my boyfriend who is divorced, contributed heavily to this. There are a few significant things that make a relationship with someone outside of a partner so enticing. As anyone who has ever purchased a new car can attest, the newness of the car is exciting. After a while, however, the newness wears off and you get accustomed to it.
Then, you become more aware of its quirks and maintenance costs. At this point, some people will trade in for a newer car to try to recapture that feeling. In marriage, the concept is the same—when you met your wife, it was new and exciting.
Now, after 32 years, two children, two grandchildren, and a life together, the newness is gone. The excitement has worn off, and you know this woman like you know yourself. Starting a new relationship after a long marriage can be exciting, but I must caution you that the friendship you describe is steeped in fantasy; almost every new relationship is. At this point, your life with your wife is full of responsibility and with the daily tasks of living—the bills, kids, grandkids, work, college tuition, and household chores.
From my perspective, happiness is an internal condition. If there is one thing that is constant in this life, it is that nothing stays the same.
Therefore, the highest task of living, in my opinion, is learning how to surf the waters of life and maintaining an inner sense of peace, joy, and happiness … no matter what is happening. You do not have an easy choice to make in this situation, and I would encourage you to seek out someone to talk with you about this.
A good therapist can help you navigate the waters and help you become aware of things you may not presently see. Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. He is the one that should be crying. She is much younger and exploring. Let his selfish ness hurt him not you. Happiness is key in life and if I am not Happy my wife is not she is better of without me , sick of making her sad and I am sick to my stomach of not living , I am 52 and I see a lot of people getting sick and passing and that have never lived..
My husband did the same…21 years and he leaves for a younger woman after knowing her roughly 2 days. Left behind a teenager and we just bought a new home. I am at a loss. But thinking of u. Ironically, my husband said the exact same thing as this guy…he wanted to be truly happy. Funny, he never mentioned it to me and I would have worked on it with him.
Any new relationship is exciting. After 24 years, I found out my husband was having an affair with a twenty-something. I kept it together to minimize the damage to my kids.
But he lost so much more than a wife. He never realized how far-reaching this one decision would be. Now he keeps coming around and wanting the whole family to go out to dinner. He is often a lost soul and sees a therapist. Think about when the novelty of this older man wears off for this girl. Mine left our marriage of 40 years just two months ago for another woman. He cheated years ago when kids were little. So stupid. Now 58 and trying to imagine life without him; he was me and I was him so who am I now.
So very hard not to be bitter and angry. I would be but sadness is my soulmate now. Trying to find reasons to keep going these days. Kids help and keeping busy. Jackie G. My X just started seeing someone. He is possessive and controlling and manipulative. I would never be back with him. I worried about his well-being before. He was a mess after we split. Now he can build a relationship with her. It takes a lot of time.
I was seething for an entire year. But it took a couple years. Let yourself be sad, you should be. And find something you enjoy doing. You have the whole world out there. Sorry to hear your story. I suspected my husband was having an affair with a work college and after 32 years of marriage I knew him better than he knew himself. He told me they were just good friends.
I know now thats a bad sign. Always believe you gut, its never wrong. So time marched on and She left her partner and ran away with another married man. But little did I know that the wheels fell of that wagon and she snuck back into town licking her wounds. Who was the first person she called. My husband.
He started acting distant, forgetful, moody ect. I asked him what I had done. Kept telling me Nothing is wrong. Its work, I am stressed. Were Sole Mates, I am thinking about leaving. So I said. Ok off you go. Well she is 15years younger than me.
Blond, thin, attractive. And she must be a great conversationalist. Talk for hours and hours on the phone to my husband while her own husband was at work.
So anyway I said If you think she is going to make you happy then I want you to go. I want you to be happy. You go be with her. You make the choice and then live with it. He thought about that overnight and then in the morning he told me.
I do love you. I want to stay with you. I felt sorry for her because she is so mixed up. It has rocked my world to say the least. My self confidence went from low to an all time low. He has hurt me deeply and he knows that. Off course she thought that was just going to be temporary and she tried to make contact on several occasions. He was having a hard time saying no to her so I Blocked her in his phone.
Its either Me or her! So were 14 months out since D Day. Wish you all the best. Let him leave; I let my husband leave with a woman 20 years young than he after a 25 year marriage. After a year with her, he begged her husband to take his wife back..
He said this because my husband was her third affair. I was broken hearted and cried for two years; thankfully during those two years I read self help books, went to AA meetings, had the support of my three grown children, spoke often with my priest and saw a therapist. I did not resort to medication or drugs and I continued to work my job every day. During those same two years, my husband found out not only was his new girlfriend a doper, she did not want to work or take care of her children.
He got up every day to get the kids off to school, while she slept in and then she spent most of the day stoned. During the last 18 years, she has had multiple affairs but he is not allowed to socialize with his own kids. She held a gun to him when an old school chum called about a class reunion. Believe me, your husband will come to regret this decision one day. We are not punished for our sins — but by them. Find a therapist and do some deep soul searching.
Figure out what is missing in you own inner self. Until you do this, all you are doing is asking for a whole lot of pain and confusion for a lot of people, including yourself.
Will a couple of years of excitement be worth all the headaches that will come in the future? Your wife has lived with you through the good and the bad, how will this new relationship pan out? What do you have to offer this new woman? You are 20 years older and are flattered by her attention. One day she could be changing your diapers. Did you know the divorce rate is higher in second marriages than in first? A man takes care of his family and finds joy in surmounting the challenges of mid-life.
Being bored is not a reason to break up your marriage. And no I am not a bitter divorcee, I have been married to a wonderful man for 31 years and we are not bored. You follow with so many typical assumptions. What if for the first time he understands himself like never before? Yes, his wife has lived through the good and bad of their 32 year old marriage, and so has he! You ask what he has to offer? He sounds like a passionate soulful person in his post, perhaps he has friendship, and love and care to offer, greater than ever before.
Second marriages do have a higher failure rate than first, but the majority of those are people under the age of And frankly, couples should take care of each other. I have being married for 22 years now , I am 42 years old but look younger than my age , I have four children and a granddaughter from my oldest daughter.. Its like my husband and I are two different people together. On the other hand i want to pull out from this marriage, I need somebody who can treat me like a normal wife..
Sorry, Chip, I have to disagree. Boredom will always come. It will. I think people should keep that in mind. THAT is silly! When we find we need to liven things up we are both committed to that and work together keep life exciting and fun.
Many marriages like mine were generally successful, we raised 3 great kids, had a lot of happy years, but we grew in different directions as we got older — we recognized we each needed something different and we moved on. We are two thoughtful people, we had a good long partnership, but it ran its course. But it is also perfectly OK to move on if they are unhappy and find themselves on a anonymous therapy site secretly asking for advise on whether to follow your heart or not.
Ending one thing. Starting another. And trusting the journey. My two cents. Maybe the wife is a shrew. As do all men who think this is ok. I am a year-old man who has been married for 32 years. I have been with her for 39 years. I do not have a girlfriend and have never cheated on her, even in an emotional needing to get away. I have been suffocating for the past five years. I got cancer, Testicular, when I was years-old.
Can you believe that? That has nothing to do with where I am now. Her Grandmother lost her husband at a fairly young age. He was 53 or 54, and she always blamed herself for it. I have no idea why, but her daughters have made sure that would never happen to them and the loves of their life. Back then, around or so, he got fired because he spoke up. He fell into a deep depression, and his wife, Aunt Rose, did anything and everything to take care of him.
He was never pressured to get another job, because Aunt Rose made sure he was at home, safe, and well taken care of him. She always made sure he had cigarettes, coffee and oreos.
Rose had his back. Next comes my mother-in-law. Her husband, Dick W. It was incurable, and he basically lost everything. His job, another story, but not for seeing anyone else. My mother-in-law kicked into high gear and made absolutely sure he was completely taken care of.
Exactly what she should have done. But he lost his self-esteem, and just basically gave up. This has nothing to do with my being out of work. Then, how many years later I get sick. My wife will do anything and everything to make sure I am absolutely taken care of.
I have lost most of my self-esteem. My family adores her. So here I am. Nothing will change until I do. For those who remember, we are DINKs. No one, except Rose, will get hurt. I feel your pain brothers. Ann, that is what my husband did to our relationship and marriage of 28 years. He said he was no longer happy and didnt love me anymore. Wow what a sting…felt like he put a dagger into my chest and twisted it! He lost his twin brother 15 months ago and never went to therapy.
Now he has another woman that is 13 years younger. He gave up so much. Will he ever see the light? We had issues in our marriage but I have always believed that you work those out…you dont talk them out with someone else that is not your spouse and build an emotional bond with them…I just want the pain from this to stop.
He left 5 months ago. Welltge same happened to me whemcmy husband of 26 years left in August I am raw with the hurt and pain for this selfish act of his especially at his age of being 60!
Last year I came to learn that he was emotionally involved with a previous work colleague he had with 20 years ago.. Under the understanding it was all over and done with.. This time as I stated he has left and said it was over for good and eventually divorce …Shock as even tho I had forgiven him several times, he still was not happy.. He said to the kids that I did everything possible to save the marriage but it just was not enough for him and he wanted to end it!!!
He had created a tension in the house which the kids had noticed e. Regardless I tried to carry on as if nothing had happened but had to admit to myself that the trust was gone….
So my point is that despite all this going on I still love him…stupid I say but its true…is it a midlife crises or am I just fooling myself. I am always crying and the kids in a way are really fed up…I have become a zombie and all my confidence is lost as its been a struggle to face anybody …I force myself to too for a food shop and justcwait to get back home where I would burst out in tears…I also have been signed off work…ci am worried about finance as he was the main bread winner as mine is only a part time job.
The mortgage has been paid but other bills have to be paid to…We also have a joint account… Which I had saved for our retirement… Well that is out the window now not forgetting he has left me to do all the stuff that needs doing in the house that needs addressing …really do not know how I am going to cope without him!!!
Any advise? I know that there are times when it seems like the grass is greener on the other side but this is a marriage that you have invested a whole lot of time and energy to over the years.
This is so sad to me. I know of a girl right now who is still going through counseling after the affair of a parent. It has been 3 years since the affair and her parents worked it out but this now college student is still a mess and has terrible trust issues.
An emotional affair is still an affair. We are suppose to be role models after all. Also if this woman knows your married what does that say about her. This new relationship will start off with trust issues. Not worth it. I will pray that you make the right choice.
Affairs are an extremely common thing. Humans are NOT monogamous. We just like to pretend we are for some silly reason. Given that humans are non monogamous, he should have discussed this possibility with his wife just as soon as the boredom and dissatisfaction started bubbling up, before he entered into a long term emotional and financial arrangement with her…now she has NO time to prepare for the worst that IS coming to her.
Not saying it is right, but why does society judge people who want to leave their spouse? Then what? U are still going to be hurt! It will hurt but so did childbirth I got a miracle from it though! They had a full blown relationship behind my back and still do now. I guess they beat the odds so far. Had I not went through that and found the strength to leave I would be checking my exes phone log now!
So love who loves u! I like your positive attitude. How horrible that your husband did that to u. A full flown relationship behind your back and he still wanted to work it out with u even after the truth came out. Maybe he wants to practice polyamory? This must have hurt horribly when u found this out. I watched it happen.
I was jealous. Not of her looks or charm, but the way she unknowingly tapped into a part of my husband that made him come alive in a way that I could not. They were good together. It killed me at the time. But who was I kidding? I knew he loved her before he did. It was only a matter of time before they found the courage to jump. I still wonder why I was so surprised when after 4 years of restraint they finally did. I tried everything to convince him to stay with me.
I could barely look myself in the mirror. What was I doing? He was a good person. Did I really want to hold him hostage? Did I want to lay next to him at night wondering if he was dreaming of her?
Missing her body? How long would it take, I wondered, for him to forget her? Five years, ten, twenty, never? I needed to let him move on to the next chapter of his life. Plus we have a grown son who was struggling with it. But letting go sure beat living a lie. We divorced peacefully 3 years ago when I was I have an exciting new direction of my own to focus on. Marriage and the choices we make are so very personal, best to you all.
This is both a blessing and a curse. Some people find this period of self-resonance and self-evaluation difficult because a surprising number of Boomers have somewhere along the way, sustained some degree of trauma which produces an irresistable PTSD during this decade of our maturation process Learn to Feel…. Process your Unfinished Past Growth Challenges…. Grieve the Ungrieved.
This might be the right move and then again it might not be, but how are you ever going to know unless you take a leap of faith? One of the most ignored teachers with a lot of us a lot of the time in life, is our own Self.
People can go a lifetime in this state, never making intentional decisions. We can also use the urge to abandon our current problems as an excuse for acting now. When we run away from current issues, and replace them with another set of demands, it is equivalent to abandoning our Self.
Take responsibility and leave your wife already instead of dragging her though your crisis of conscious. That sounds like someone who cares a whole lot for you. I think that you at least owe her that. Lisa wrote a very good article. Building on what she wrote, I would like to take an even more pointed approach. One thing is for certain: As long as you maintain a relationship with this other woman, it will be near impossible for you to reconnect with your wife.
Consider: what if you take the plunge with this younger woman and in a few years, she feels the same way about you as you now do your wife? Then you will be old and alone. And who knows how your kids will react. They may do some dumping of their own. They say there is no fool like an old fool. You and your wife made vows to each other 32 years ago. They were not words that were supposed to bind you in misery. They were words that in essence said you will work out your issues, forsaking all others, as if you were the only two people in the world.
Why not earnestly try to make things work with your wife and keep your immediate and extended family free from divisiveness and rupture? As Lisa suggested, you will likely need the help of a third party professional. It is a road worth taking! Ken, with Dr. I took a chance and got out of a bad marriage we are still friends! We talk about affairs openly. It is possible that the second time around can be beautiful. And there are great stories of couples who survive affairs and learn too.
The saddest to me, are the ones that cave to the pressure, and are not truly happy and never will be.
That is a tragedy. Interesting, very defensive and eager to validate this option arent you. Lets hope should your current husband decide further along in your marriage hes no longer happy, you maintain this attitude. You sound smug and over confident about your own marriage.
In fact I would say there is a higher risk of this occurring in your marriage at some point in the future when you least expected it because of the history of how you came together. Until you know how it feels to have given 32 years to a man or woman who then plans to leave you and destroy another persons life in doing so stop trying to justify and promote leaving its selfish. Or if I sounded smug in my own happiness after making a major change. I just know things are never black and white.
We only have one life. We each get to choose how we want to spend our days and years. But if one person still wants out — then I believe you have to let them go.
That sounds miserable. You never knowing if they stayed because they love you, or if they just settled. If you love them so much you want them to them to stay, then you must also love them so much that you respect their wish to go. My earlier comments were purely to give hope to anyone that finds themselves struggling.
Love is out there. U are spot on…not all marriages are meant to be and I wish people quit forcing that onto people! Especially when u marry young. I trust him more than I did the first one. And our exes seem happier now to. We were in a very toxic and unhealthy relationship and both very unhappy. A happy person does not look outside the marriage. I am happy I let him go, it made me a stronger and better person and it allowed me to heal and become a better version of myself.
I took a long hiatus from men, chose to get to know me and fell in love with me. I no longer hate him, I no longer hate her. Do I wish things could have gone down differently. There IS a better way to end a marriage. Affairs destroy you, your self esteem, all trust, everything you know and loved is now shattered.
Its absolutely the worst thing you can do to another person. However, it happens every day, every minute! People cheat. Enough said. As Chip stated, we have this one life. If you are unhappy, if you want something else, if you desire something else, then go. That is not being fair to your spouse. They may THINK they want you there, no matter if you want to be there or not, but that is just as selfish…holding someone hostage for their own happiness and comfort.
Its also just a bandaid. Vows or no vows? So the key is to gain some self worth, pick up the pieces, start a self love program and let him GO!! Wish him happiness and move on. You are infatuated with this woman.
NOT in love. This phase will past as soon as you have this desired relationship and got what you had wanted. Then you will be left with a giant empty hole in yourself that you would never be able to fill. You are just chasing something NEW and trying to find that short term gratification.
With all due respect, how the hell do YOU know he is not in love. I AM in love with another woman and have been married 35 years. We are not infatuated. We are deeply in love in a way my wife and I have never been. That just adds to the emotional hell. Yet, I cannot bear to bring pain upon my wife in her later years of life, nor to hurt my kids. It is enough to make a guy just want to check out. I am NOT selfish. I just love people, and two women in particular.
My love is my achilles heel. Respectfully … You should never have allowed the love for another to develop. Boundaries are your reposonsibility…. I hear you. There is a lot of judging going on in this thread. There are multiple people that we can fit with and have chemistry with. The beauty of monogamy is that you dedicate your romantic energy-both emotionally and physically-to just one person.
Also, be aware that there are certain types of risky behaviors that cultivate attraction. When we engage in certain behaviors that attraction we could be caught by surprise with a rouge desire. Wow, I can relate to this because I am going through this on the flip side… I too, have been married 32 years. My wife, who I am still madly in love with, has befriended a man at a camp that she works in the summer who is ten years younger. This man is an alcoholic, and has been living in squalor, so I wife has felt it her obligation to help him out of his mess.
Sometimes, I would help her there when asked. And we had him over for Thanksgiving. In the process of cleaning up his act and his house she has spent enormous amounts of time with him and they have gotten extremely close.
She has spent many nights at his house, always finding reasons to stay there, because he is having tough emotional times. But I started noticing the constant texting and the hiding of texting going on when she was with me. She denies any wrongdoing, they are only friends and justifies it by saying that he has had a lot of loss in his life and tells everyone that.
We have had some real heavy duty fights about all of this, and now we are at the point where I am going to counciling and she wants to sell our house and divorce me. Our marriage was far from perfect and it needed some help which I have on numerous occasions have tried to coax her to come with me and she refuses. She feels that she has done nothing wrong. I have made mountains out of molehills and have made legal threats for it has been all out of reacting to the things she has been doing.
Now we are at a point where she feels so pushed away from me that she does not want to come back. All of this started in the end of the summer. I am in complete awe of all of this. At the beginning of summer we were holding hands and I was comfortable and felt we were in love. Eight months later my wife wants to divorce me and cannot stand me. I am completely devastated by this. Sorry, I was not trying to steal anyones story, but this man has to try to make his marriage work.
We form a covanent with each other and God at the alter. That no man or women should do us under. You owe it to each other to try to work things out. Than when all else fails then move on.
Be thankful that you have a woman who loves you. I can tell you that it hurts so much when you loose that. Especially after 32 years. This is an interesting thread. I am amazed how judgmental and black and white people are. I am deeply in love with another man. I get that. It is not about keeping boundaries. And while I know that I will probably never be with the man that I fell deeply in love with — in spite of keeping boundaries — I am grateful to have had that awakening.
It has given me the courage to know that I must leave a marriage that I knew I should have left 6 months into it — but stayed and kept trying.
I wasted 25 years of my life trying. Each story is different. I am doing what I must do to survive. I too feel like this after 18 years of marriage but there there is no one else. I long to be alone but fear I will never be able to get over the hurt I will cause my husband and children — aged 14 and 19 stops me. I still care for him but I am not in love with him anymore. You really think this woman will make you happy, sure maybe for a couple of years, maybe not even that.
Is all this new excitement that will dwindle, its called human nature…worth you breaking up your whole family and your 32 years of marriage.. To be fair to you 32 years is a very long time, but usually the reason why marriages die is couples stop trying. Remember when you were dating, how hard do us guys try, how hard do women try to look good etc…that goes away because we all get comfortable, we all start to take each other for granted.
I understand to some degree as humans these are inevitable, but its catching yourself and fighting back. As a child of a father that did what you did, I still up to this day hold a grudge against him, my dad has gone from woman to woman trying to find happiness and he cant, he has admitted that he regrets everything he has every done to destroy his family for a cheap, dying, exciting feeling he had with a co-worker. Now from me a married man that almost did what you did.
Lets just say I have a wake up, light bulb moment and realized that this woman, I met at work, flirting with me etc…giving me the feelings, was not even close to the type of woman my wife is. I mean really a woman flirting with a married man and she knows that!!!!
I never did anything with that woman but it took me 3 months to snap out of it!!! Instead I focused my energy on my marriage…is it hard at times…. But at the end of the day.. Theres a reason why I said forever to her. From a man to another man.. I wish I was around to smack you and wake you the hell up!!!!
This might be harsher than what you might be getting here. Your answer is so appreciated. I wish I had someone like you to talk to or have my husband talk too. Heartbreak inflicted by a cheater is so excruciatingly painful. I too am in a similar situation. I however had decided I wanted a divorce before I ventured into a relationship. I still care for and have love for my wife, but the feelings for intimacy and romance have long gone. We became roommates, raising a child.
Not much else in common, including how to raise that child. They, like I did, go through the motions not trying hurt the feelings of the spouse, kids, family friends, etc.
The thing is they are destroying themselves in the process. The idea that people should stay together just because of vows is crazy. Saying that, I used to believe it myself. That was until I saw my mother dying. My parents were married over 50 years, but they really had very little in common but family and kids. My father was a simple man. Nothing wrong with that. My mom was into technology, politics, traveling, church, community service, etc.
So they basically lived 2 different lives. Problem was because they were married, my mom gave up many opportunities to do some great things because my father had zero interest in the things she was interested in doing.
She backed away from many things she knew my father would not support or even approve. When she was dying she talked about all she still wanted to accomplish, what her dreams were, how she missed out on many chances in life. My mom sacrificed a lot to make sure everyone else was happy, even though she was slowly dying inside.
I used to think my mom was selfish, but in reality she was selfless. She martyred her own happiness for everyone else. I felt myself following the same path. I began to resent my wife, almost to and possibly sometimes hate. Wishing she was somewhere else, if not worse. At least you know that you divorced for yourself and not someone else. The vows say till death do us part, but many people in marriage become living dead.
Wish you the best in your decision. Others have made comments that they wished simply to be alone and free. I would agree that leaving is the right move if you are doing to save your own life and are not falling into the trap of a re-bound relationship to carry you through the first tough years following a divorce.
I agree with many that this gentleman should avoid the rebound trap and should have his own place to live and enjoy being a bachelor for at least two more years. Many men commit suicide over bad relationships with women. The military has statistics that corroborate this.
It is ridiculous to stay in a bad marriage because you took some vows. I do not agree that people should stay in bad marriages for the sake of the institution, vows, kids, etc.
Many children have been damaged for life by growing up with parents who are continually at odds. At the end of the day, it comes down to two people making a personal commitment with each other to keep the love alive; to listen, and to also be heard. I am also perplexed with the widely accepted double standard about leaving a relationship.
If, however, a woman leaves, she is a champion, empowered, and has found new freedom. I seldom, if ever, see a comment by a woman chastising another woman for leaving. Men should, despite all the negative press, take charge of their lives and their happiness. Men should continue to court their wives as the decades tick by but this should not be turned into servitude by the wives. As women need to be paid attention to, men should be paid attention to also.
Wives need to pay attention to the things their men find satisfying and enable them to feel loved. Men have a right to be happy — and to be loved — genuinely, and not only when it appears they may exit. A right to be happy with a younger wife rather than a wife there own age. Oh the freedom of being free and having a younger wife, how quaint while the older women same age as the dirt old men who dump them for younger wives get left rejected and single.
How is that fair or equal. Oh how wonderful younger women are popular to dirty old men. Pretty shallow response you made about being happy, if your a real man you will date only in yor own age range and leave the young ones young adult women alone.
I hear you so loud and clear. I have often heard that separation should be the way to go. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I have no idea where this change might go, but I have to. They all fell madly in love with me and wanted to leave their wives to be with me. I was their escape. I agree with Hurting Too — leave for your own sake and not to go directly to the other woman.
A symptom but not THE cause. I actually felt compassion for the wives I had met some of them and they were perfectly nice women and I put myself in their shoes. How would I feel if my husband left me for a younger woman? Totally devastated etc but, I would take a long hard look at myself because I know it takes two to destroy a marriage…..
Every situation is different. The marriage of one of these men I knew for three years had died 30 years ago, it was extremely toxic, no sex for 10 years, very minimal sex beforehand, they had no hope of reconciliation, there was complete unwillingness to reconnect from both and they were only staying together for financial reasons. They were definitely ships in the night.
Completely seperate lives. Both desperately unhappy, depressed, compensating for the vacuum through unproductive and unhealthy behaviours. They definitely needed to divorce for the sake of both but neither was brave enough to leave the security of what they know even if it was killing both of them.
He just wanted me to rescue him, the easy option. My current married lover is being productive. Both of us are prepared to accept that he may decide to stay married and if so, then I disappear.
If he leaves, he will do so on his own and with dignity, calmness and care for his wife. Take your time. Get counselling and lots of it from different counsellors some are biased even though they claim not to be. Think a lot. Work out who you are and where you want to be. Will it all be worth the drama, angst? If you have a bit of breathing space, you can think more rationally. You ARE having an affair with your friend.
The emotional connection is far more powerful than any sexual connection. A sexual connection will just be the icing on the cake. The age thing? There are no answers and everyone is different. No one can make a judgement, no one can tell you what to do. If you know someone is married you stay away from them. You are helping them commit a sin against their family and more importantly against God.
I pray cleopatra that you would have enough respect for yourself not to do that. You are worth more than that and God loves you. Find a good single respectable man. Please do not leave comments spouting your opinion based on religion or throwing religious texts around. This is about seeking actual help, not finding judgment. If these wives were truly important to you, you would never of engaged in sexual relations with there hubbies, no matter how so-called unhappy they claim to be in there marriage.
Get over it and walk away and never get sexy with them ever, and stop being selfish. Wow, sad. You hear what these guys tell you. They all will say they are not happy and have a miserable home life to get a 40 something year old that says she looks 30, really.
You should be ashamed. Find a single man if you are so good looking! I just want to say wow. I am younger, I am only 35, and my wife is also 35, married for a mere 10 years, 2 children both still young. I am the bad man in all this, I am the one having a full blown affair. Emotional, sexual. I too have thought of walking away and starting a new life with this woman but reading a lot of these comments has sort of helped my head a lot. It raises points that get overlooked especially in the early days of whirlwind lust with someone new.
After 32 Years, I'm Ready to Leave My Wife and Take a Chance
Verified by Psychology Today. Contemplating Divorce. While there are no quick, easy answers and no "one size fits all" reasons to offer, I will give you parameters within which to gauge whether or not you should remain married to your spouse or leave.
I can't give you your answer. I can only guide you to find your truth for this moment. Your part will be to follow along and read with honest introspection so you can identify your answer. When I meet for the first time with a client who is considering divorce , I can often get a sense of whether the scales are tipped toward staying or leaving from the reason he or she gives for wanting to stay married. If the desire to stay married is based on moving toward a goal, the person is more likely to stay married; for example, "I want to raise my children in one house with two parents" or "I want to work on my anger issues and get on the other side of them.
On the other hand, when people explain that they are staying in the marriage to avoid pain or fear , this indicates that the marriage hasn't much glue, and such marriages aren't as likely to endure; for instance, "I'm staying because I'm afraid of not seeing my children every day," "I don't know how I'd make ends meet without my spouse," or "No one will ever love me like this again.
Once I hear the reasoning for staying in the marriage, I ask why the client might want to get a divorce. The same rule applies: those who are contemplating leaving to move toward a goal are more likely to actually leave than those who are averting pain or potential consequences.
Examples of going toward a goal or away from a fear are "I want more out of life than staying in an unhappy marriage" or "I need to get away from this abuse.
Even though all of these reasons have merit and sound powerful, you may wonder how I know that the person who is moving toward a goal will more likely take action than the one who is running away from or trying to avoid pain. The answer is simple: fear. Those who are motivated primarily by avoiding pain are usually fear-based people. These people see the world through the eyes of whatever problems and negative repercussions might arise from their actions.
They are often imprisoned by their fears, not only as they pertain to deciding whether to stay in or leave their marriages, but in all areas of their lives.
These people will more likely stay small, unhappy, and unfulfilled with the thought that they will remain safe. Action-based people have the opposite view of the world. When they set their sights on a goal, they see what opportunities and benefits might come from moving forward. These people are more willing to take risks and go for what they want.
They will also less likely settle for less than what they believe they deserve. Of course, you can be partially both fear- and action-based, but whichever mode is dominant will usually win the arguments in your mind about whether to stay or go. The good news is that these aspects are not necessarily set in stone.
If you are primarily a fear-based person but would rather be action-based, you can push through your fears and accomplish your goals. Most people need some training or support to make these changes, but it is an alteration that anyone can make. In addition to examining fear-avoidant versus goal-oriented behaviors in the decision-making process, I look at whose needs are driving the decision.
In a decision as big as whether or not to stay married, it is imperative that you consider the possible ramifications your leaving may have on others, but you must also balance that with your own needs. Where I see people go wrong in such a decision is when they forgo their own needs and focus primarily on meeting the needs of their spouses or children, or, on the contrary, they consider only their own needs and ignore the potential impact on their children and spouses.
I've had countless clients tell me that they don't want to divorce because they are afraid of losing the co- parenting relationship or their spouse's income, only eventually to realize that they alone already carry the load of responsibilities. The spouse doesn't contribute to the marriage but, rather, takes from it. On awakening to this fact and confirming that they had done everything possible to improve their relationships, most of these clients immediately filed the divorce paperwork.
And for almost all of these folks, letting go of the unhealthy relationship was the best decision they'd ever made. Rather than becoming harder, life actually got much easier, because they no longer had the added burden of taking care of the people who were supposed to be their partners or dealing with the many negative emotions their spouses elicited from them.
What they had feared prior to taking action never manifested. They realized that they had postponed their own fulfillment and happiness for months, sometimes years. There are certain factors that suggest a relationship is workable and salvageable. There are other factors in marriages that, if present, indicate a low probability that the relationship will ever be healthy or fulfilling. I call these the workability factors.
If both parties are willing to put in the work that the marriage requires, the chances of the problems and issues being resolved increase dramatically. However, even when both spouses want the marriage to last, there are some situations that lack enough of the necessary ingredients to keep it afloat. The marital hierarchy of needs consists of five levels of needs: survival, safety, love, esteem, and actualization.
The workability factors are really only pertinent to the three middle-level needs -- safety, love, and esteem needs -- because if a marriage has descended to survival mode, it is, by definition, not a workable situation. On the other hand, if a marriage operates at the actualization level, it is a highly functioning marriage, whose lower-level needs are met. The following figures further outline these needs to demonstrate what must be present for the marriage to work.
Each chart describes workable and unworkable scenarios in a marriage, as well as what intervention would be needed to transform an unworkable situation into one that can work. Absence of mutual love, Infidelity , No shared interests, One or both are not fully committed to the marriage. I have been married for almost 4 years, me and my husband went from meeting to married in 4 months In the first year we had fights, it got out of hand stuff was said and done that hurt both of us, but e worked on it.
And so every year was n few fight and breaking stuff and moving out ect. Im not a angel and have my faults, and he has to, its just the things that he say, like i wish i never met you or i want a divorce or move out, bad mouthing me, is just getting to me, if he does hurt me, the next day i get a sorry but it keeps happening I just feel cold, dont want to go through this shit anymore.
Hello, this weekend is pleasant for me, as this occasion i am reading this wonderful informative piece of writing here at my home. That sounds like my marriage, only without the breaking stuff and moving out We were married within 2.
Going on 9 years of marriage. We also fought, even once before we got married!! He told me "I'm not sure I want to know you anymore" then the next day acted like that had never happened and we continued to make plans for him to meet my family. I guess I was relieved at the time, and was glad he wanted to stay together. That pattern continues, with him threatening divorce, telling me to fuck off, and saying other horrible things to me, then, boom next day he acts all lovey dovey.
I can't take it anymore. I don't know how to get out, I don't want our kids to go through a divorce, but I can't live through this madness anymore. I never know when something I might say will tip him off and he'll start blowing up on me. I used to yell back My family was leery about him from the beginning, and I have been wanting to prove them wrong all these years, but it just keeps getting worse I am ashamed to get divorced, because I don't want to feel an air of "i told you so" from anyone.
I have always wanted that marriage that lasts forever, but not like this. He refuses therapy, and says if I just wouldn't do stuff to make him mad, he wouldn't have to say the things he does to me. I know that's not right I find myself wishing he would get in a car wreck or pass away terrible I know , just so I don't have to deal with him anymore. Even if we divorce, he has the potential to make things miserable.
Up until recently, I could still find that deep love that I had for him I feel numb and nearly empty toward him. He makes me feel like I am crazy But, if I don't say it back right now, it will start a fight. If we didn't have children together, there's no way I'd still be with him. I can really relate to many of the things that you are going through. My spouse and I were married within 6 months of meeting each other. When we first met, he was so sweet and the perfect gentleman. As soon as we got back from our honeymoon, the mask came off and he yelled at me and put me down for the first time.
It has continually happened. I have found myself hoping something would happen to him as well as I just want to be done with the situation. He often runs his mouth about violence and how he will destroy everything or burn everything down to evoke fear. I don't understand it. The only difference in our situations, well a couple, but the main one is that I'm the one that typically says I can't do it anymore and that I'm done.
I can only imagine how hurtful that is to hear. He's the person "that cares about me the most". I think we got married too soon. We didn't know each other fully and for that, I regret. But everything we go through makes us who we are. You have to learn what you want to deal with, what you deserve and what's best for everyone involved. I do know that life is short.
If you don't think that you are safe, emotionally healthy, do what you need to do. You have to look out for you, your kids and any possible pets that you might have. Breaking stuff is abusive and you do not deserve to live that way.
Plus, you don't want your kids being around that. They will grow up thinking that's an acceptable way to treat their spouse. I'm no expert but I did want you to know I'm in the same miserable situation. You sound very well balanced and grounded! That's rare today. You had one line in there that really hit me that says a lot.