Stfangers Sun and Erie County Independent. Get A Copy. Aug 28, Ginger rated it it was amazing. Intimate strangers rubin states that while women need men to express their feeling through talking, men only need proximity to his beloved to feel emotionally secure. The Sun and the Erie County Independent. Sep 07, Phwade added it.
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Amazon Drive Cloud storage from Amazon. Lillian Rubin writes about a changing society, new roles and new rules, the child within, the approach-avoidance dance, the Intimate strangers rubin dilemma, dependency, combining love and work in the two job household, and raising the children together. Intimate strangers rubin Molly Dumont. Parents Balancing Your Life. This book does that with most of the information being quite accessible. Labor History. Families on the Fault Line is a work that describes the way that race and class Clear liquids breast milk "so intimately intertwined in U. Amazon Payment Products. Pascale rated it really liked it Jun 11, Want to Read Currently Reading Read. She is light on gay awareness, something that I believe is true of most of her writing.
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- Lillian Breslow Rubin January 13, June 17, was an American writer, professor , psychotherapist and sociologist.
- No one else I know can match Lillian Rubin's ability to combine art and analysis in the presentation of human relations.
Intimate Strangers is a book for every man and woman who has ever yearned for an intimate relationship and wondered why it seemed so elusive. The voices we hear in this path-breaking book seem like our own; the people who live on its pages speak directly to our concerns and experiences.
But the analysis Dr. Rubin offers is anything but familiar. Applying recent knowledge about the psychology of infancy and the effect on human development of the fact that women are the primary nurturers of early childhood, Dr. Rubin explains not just how the differences between women and men arise, but how they affect such critical issues in adult relationships as intimacy, sexuality, dependency, work, and parenting. Intimate Strangers is a sympathetic portrayal of the internal lives of men as well as women, and a brilliantly lucid explanation of the differences between us.
Rubin presents a subtle, complex and wholly fresh look at adult relationships that is both startling and compassionate. She never flinches from asking tough questions nor does she resort to easy answers.
Consequently, the book resonates with an honesty and integrity that are unmistakable.. This original contribution to the social psychology of intimacy goes a long way to answer some of our most profound —and disturbing — questions about our ability to relate to each other.
Armed with the insights it offers, each of us will be better equipped to deal with both our own internal conflicts and those of our partner as we struggle to reorder our personal and emotional lives so that they bring us the satisfaction we seek.
Archived from the original on I would be more apt to support equal work for equal salary pay if their was a generous paternity leave that matches maternity leave. Neela is one of the helpless Indian girls being held in captivity. Elazar rated it liked it May 15, Intimate Strangers Affair. There are multiple format available for you to choose Pdf, ePub, Doc.
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This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. Although Rubin places way to much stock on trying to explain biological process through the psychology of social constructs in gender, she comes away with the same conclusion that women have a maternal instinct while men like to compete in more of the global outside world. Her whole argument behind gender roles stems from the primary caretaker being women. I will give this book a 2.
Rubin is writing in age at the cusp of social societal change from the ideal of family life of 's today's world where both men and women work in order to keep pace with the ever increase in the standard of living.
She tells of the increase effects of serial monogamy that people undergo now. She cites the fact that people are living longer and birth control as factors that have changed how we plan for our lives and the dissolution of the necessity of living in a nuclear family from teenage yrs to now.
With it, adulthood has transformed from a destination to a process. Although I agree with her main thesis that family life is a dynamic process and each one is individualistic, I disagree with her conclusion that most gender roles are by their nature psychological. She stress the family as the main determinants of what shape us and how we look at gender roles.
Rubin saw couples who did not know why they wanted to marry just that it seemed like the next step in their journey in life. She states that people are discontented only when they see that their lives do not necessarily have to be the way it is.
She says she was surprised by the way she did not like working in her "dream job" when she was thrust in the unfamiliar role as the primary bread winner instead of simply helping out. In the '80's, masculinity was defined as being independent and taking care of himself and his family. From the book, I realize how women pioneers really have to work against the grain in order to push boundaries from their current status quo. The book talks about the age in which rapidly changing gender roles is rocking the culture and how the culture is still stuck in an age in which inequality in gender pay is still the norm.
Rubin states that the childhood impulse for both separation and unity will continue through out his life playing out in relationships in being wanting to be with the lover and independent from her. She also says the early "abandoning" of the mother of his male child explains the male jealousy when he has a child and the woman wants to mother the new child the exclusion of the husband. We come close to a loved one, then we back off. I think this book is dated as men today except the fact they have to open up to their loved ones.
She states that while women need men to express their feeling through talking, men only need proximity to his beloved to feel emotionally secure. She says that a conversation for adults involves intimacythe wish to know another's persons inner life along with the ability to share one's own. It is the expression of sadness, his fear, his dependency the fact his exposing his own vulnerability that makes a man close up and shut down.
She says that while nurturing personality can hinder intimacy when a person hides behind being nurturing in order to avoid bearing ones soul in an intimate relationship. A general rule is women need face to face contact in order to feel close, men need the action of comradeship to feel close to someone. Furthermore, she says the reason men masturbate more than women is due to the suppression of the erotic life or it can be explained via testosterone in men vs women.
She says that sex for women is based on emotional needs even for women who are sexually promiscuous they hunger emotionally. Furthermore, Rubin states that women need an emotional connection to orgasm. She also states that women get a high when they feel sexual control over the man. Whereas in the '80's independence had a negative connotation for women of a lonely divorce women, now it means freedom just like it does for men.
The idea of independence for men is dangerous since they will not want help when they need it. Rubin says the reason why men think of independence as good is that they think about it in terms of how they see themselves in relation to the world and their vision of themselves in it whereas for women they think of independence in terms of relationship thus they are more ambivalent towards the word.
Rubin states that "the economic independence of men has been mistaken for their emotional independence, while women's economic dependency has been taken to signify their emotional dependence". That is why, I usually have a close male friend like Jaydeep whom I did stuff with but the same time bounced ideas off while reserving my deep emotional life with Renita.
The issue here is how does a married man share his feelings with other women that is not his wife without the potential attending consequence of cheating on her? Men want a relationship with his woman to fulfill all his emotional needs while most women do not need their men to fulfill most of her needs.
She states that while men experience bonding with each other, they experience intimacy with women. I need a wife who will allow me to be completely vulnerable to her so I can be strong towards the world. She states that the economic dependency of a woman's life leads to emotional dependency so a woman is treated like a child.
While emotional attachment means 2 people are attached to each other, she states that it is different from the financial dependency that women have on men.
She believes that men want women to be independent and women to be dependent on them so that the men would not have to feel the dependency they felt when their mother's rejected them. Rubin states that men fear that their women's independence might grow so much that they no longer need him but paradoxically it is that independent spark that initially attracted him to her.
In the '80's, a man's identity revolves around what he does for work, and a women's identity when she has a relationship revolves around being a wife and mother. Rubin shows a biological imperative in women to care what is going on with the kids while men simply tune out. Although some couples yearn for the wistful years where traditional roles of marriage were in enforced, they do not like how things turned out for their parents in which the man had nothing to do with family life while the wife only stays at home and seemed empty in terms of personal responsibility.
Rubin says that the pluses of this way of the world is that men get to raise their children the same time she decries the lack of paternity leave that blocks social and structural change in the workforce. I would be more apt to support equal work for equal salary pay if their was a generous paternity leave that matches maternity leave. Women worry of the prestige that their man would lose if they succumb to her desire to have a family life at the expense of a greater professional visibility.
While men will choose work over love when they have to choose, women will choose love over work. Rubin believes that the mother-infant bond is a pure ideological psychology not based on scientific facts. One only needs to look nature of mammals to know it is in fact a biological imperative for moms to take care of their young not the fathers.
A remedy she proposes to fix this is to have flex time for both men and women so both with be involved in parental care. For him, parenting enhances his quality of life in relation to his worklife. Whereas men compete in their worklife, women compete for the affection of their children. Again, Rubin places to much stock on psychological process to explain biological phenomenon of women wanting to be the primary caretaker for their children. She believes to have lasting change the personal belief should line up with institutional change or else the personal change will not truly change the global thinking.
She says one of the ways this new way of thinking helps people today is that men no longer take for granted what women do at home. She also states for an idea to become reality: the idea must be first into common discourse as words without action, only when the idea becomes commonly accepted can the next step in the movement begin.
Although she believes the psychological underpinnings of gender behavior has at its root a sociological structure, I believe it is evolutionary biology that underlies the psychology of gender. Nov 27, John rated it really liked it Shelves: psychology , relationships-singleness , feminism. Lillian B. Rubin is a psychologist and makes a good case for her point of view, and that makes this book a strong one and not too subjective. Where needed she adds notes on homosexual and lesbian dynamics too.
There is also the backdrop of second-wave feminism looming around, and Rubin seems to be a part of the movement but not swayed by it as much of the more "Intimate Strangers" is a book about the intimate dynamics in relationships between men and women, why they fail and the reasons for it.
There is also the backdrop of second-wave feminism looming around, and Rubin seems to be a part of the movement but not swayed by it as much of the more modern feminists are.
Written first in this book, although still very interesting, is a book of its time and could need an update. I found it solid. Aug 28, Ginger rated it it was amazing. What a tremendous book, with very well constructed thoughts and information. It offers insights into relationships between men and women that I found fascinating.
I first read it over years ago. My copy has been read so many times by myself and people I have loaned it to that it is now held together by a rubber band. I finally did a search and now have a second copy. If you are married or are in a relationship, I would be amazed if you are not enlightened by many of the author's What a tremendous book, with very well constructed thoughts and information. If you are married or are in a relationship, I would be amazed if you are not enlightened by many of the author's theories and conclusions.
Sep 07, Phwade added it. This deals with a woman's need for closness and a man's need for seperation. How similar so many couples are and the little voices in our heads are pretty universal. Aug 08, Cheryl Andrews rated it it was amazing Shelves: highly-recommended.
Every so often I order 2 or 3 copies to give away when friends or family members are confused about their loving relationships. Jamie rated it liked it Jul 27, Pammie rated it it was ok Aug 02, Kim Crawshaw rated it really liked it Oct 13, Stephan rated it really liked it Sep 02, Irene Chester Voss rated it liked it Aug 05, Justin Li rated it did not like it Oct 20, Beth Casey rated it really liked it Feb 13, Beth rated it it was amazing May 19, Pam rated it it was amazing Sep 17, Johann rated it liked it Nov 30, Elazar rated it liked it May 15, David Lindsay rated it it was amazing Dec 25, There are multiple format available for you to choose Pdf, ePub, Doc.
Intimate Strangers tells the story of the everyday tensions of maids and madams in ways that bring together different worlds and explore various dimensions of servitude and mobility.
Immaculate travels to a foreign land only to find her fiance refusing to marry her. Operating from the margins of society, through her own ingenuity and an encounter with researcher Dr Winter-Bottom Nanny, she is able to earn some money. Immaculate learns how maids struggle to make ends meet and madams wrestle to keep them in their employ.
Resolved to make her disappointments blessings, she perseveres until she can take no more. Award-winning photographer Kobi Israel returns with a vibrant, unconventional body of work sharing his intimate encounters in the melting pot of 21st century London. He uncovers that in the urban mosaic of Soho everyone comes from another continent, another country or another city. It's a medley of foreigners where everyone is a stranger just waiting to be discovered.
In a provocative snapshot style he shares his personal search for the secret, most secluded moments of day-to-day life and the divine that is hidden in all of us. Intimate Strangers showcases the nonfiction work of writers living life on their own authentic terms. The setting of this book is Sapele in Delta State of Nigeria.
It is a cosmopolitan town with people of diverse culture inhabiting it. Vanity wrapped in materialism seem to be the yard stick or the standard of choosing partners. Compatible relationship is as scarce as oasis in the dessert. So true love that would bring about spiritual harmony is difficult to find. We are here to see the disparities in marriages of this type of setup. Nicholas Benteen, ex-mercenary and former CIA covert operative, will fight to the death to protect the sanctuary he has created for himself and those from his past he has vowed to safeguard.
Schwarzenegger intimidates. Sharon Stone strips. Leno and Letterman duel. In twenty years of raw and raucous celebrity profiles Irreverently bold journalist Bill Zehme has long been celebrated for his ability to get under the skins of our most elusive icons, from the evasive Warren Beatty to the ever-unpredictable Madonna to the much misunderstood Barry Manilow. He gets a nude massage with Sharon Stone, and an earful about men, sex, and the shotgun she keeps under her bed.
From the Trade Paperback edition. But released now on an overturned conviction, he changed his name—and his face—and the new Mark Ramsey wanted only revenge. Everything about Perry's Cove, N. And Molly Dumont. In the flesh, she was better than in his fantasies—and harder to resist.
But as Mark closed in on the real killer, he faced the question that burned in his gut: Was Molly the enticing innocent he remembered—or was she part of the conspiracy? Jade Howard, a once-successful novelist seeking refuge in Santa Fe, wakes up one morning to find herself living another woman's life sixty years in the past. Candid "street" photographs of New Yorkers in the 's with accompanying imaginative texts.
All photographs and texts by the aurthor. Discusses the world of microbes and their roles in Earth's environment and human life.
A collection of stories centering around characters whose lives are painfully slipping through their fingers. Although both were natives of Manitoba, they never had met. In Laurence and Roy began a seven-year correspondence in English, when both were at the height of their powers as writers. In these lovely and intimate letters, two great Canadian writers discuss everything from their common prairie backgrounds to current politics and censorship.
Dark gray clouds had swallowed the rising sun, dawn outlining their ominous shapes in gold. And the skyOC crimson red, the color of fresh blood. Nathalie's blood started to pound with excitement. She could almost taste it. Rain was coming. A storm. After living on old bread, studying by oil lamps, and swimming through mischievous opinions about unnatural females, she has finally earned a brand new diploma from L'Ecole de Medicin.
On the ship she encounters an enigmatic green-eyed Capitin, a most irritating man who causes her to exhibit symptoms she's not used to diagnosing. When The Silhouette reaches port, Nathalie finds that nothing is quite as she remembered.
Intimate Strangers : Lillian B. Rubin :
Lillian B. Rubin was born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania on January 13, She graduated from high school at the age of 15, was able to obtain a secretarial job, and was married at the age of She had a daughter and worked at various jobs for over 20 years before enrolling in college in She received a B.
After receiving postgraduate training as a psychotherapist, she began a dual career as a sociological researcher and a private therapist. She became a senior research associate at the Institute for the Study of Social Change at Berkeley, where she worked for many years while writing books. She wrote a series of popular books about the crippling effects of gender and class norms on human potential.
She died on June 17, at the age of Bolero Ozon. Intimate Strangers : Men and Women Together. Drawing on years of research, writing, and counseling about marriage and the family, interviews with more than two hundred couples, and her own experiences, Lillian Rubin explains not just how the differences between women and men arise but how they affect such critical issues as intimacy, sexuality, dependency, work, and parenting.
Candid, compassionate, and insightful, Rubin' s lucid examination should aid each of us in our struggle for greater personal and emotional satisfaction. Simmons , Dale A. Intimate strangers: men and women together Lillian B.